And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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