You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
