i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
