Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
