i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
