I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
