she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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