Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
