god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
