Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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