Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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