just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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