we have officially lost it.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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