we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
