you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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