a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
