I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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