omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
