you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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