What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
