pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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