Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
