just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
