OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
