BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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