They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
