The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
