there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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