The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My penis needs a shock collar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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