Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
