We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
