after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
