i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
