Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
