i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
