i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
