so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
