I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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