This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
