I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
