only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
