I met the friendliest cop last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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