You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
