I'm really into asian looking animals
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
