I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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