I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
