That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have aggressive nipples.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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