You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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