if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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