how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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