I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
