Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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