I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
